Benefits of being other focused from a monk
In this episode a Buddhist monk shares the benefits of being other focused vs self focused. Focusing on one self oftentimes can leave us unhappy and unfulfilled. In this podcast we discuss why focusing on the other or developing an other focused mind opens us up to happiness and a more fulfilled life.
Show Notes Links:
Kadampa Melbourne
https://meditateinmelbourne.org/
Full Podcast Transcription:
Benefits of being other focused from a monk
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[00:00:00] Michael Barticel (Host): Welcome to another episode of the today dreamer podcast, where we explore through conversational space ways in which to develop our practice of presence. Integrating dreaming and doing into [00:01:00] being in service of a blossoming of the emergent world story. This is why the show is alive. And it's here for you.
[00:01:11] Michael Barticel (Host): This conversation is also here for you. A little while ago. I met up actually quite a while ago. I met up with a Buddhist monk to talk about life. Yeah. People have just from all over the world, really engaged with that conversation and found a lot of value from it. So I decided to meet up again with the same Buddhist monk, uh, again, Don king from the Cadabra meditation center in Monbulk Victoria, Australia.
[00:01:48] Michael Barticel (Host): Yeah. And we had a conversation about the true path to happiness. And this is that conversation. Before we do get into things. [00:02:00] Uh, I'd like to just share for everyone out there that is finding some value from these conversations and feels like they are ready to deepen their connection with the show and take things to the next level.
[00:02:17] Michael Barticel (Host): The number one way you can support the show and the number one way you can support the mindful media vibes that are radiating out from this space into this fear is by heading to patrion.com forward slash today. Dreamer and yeah, becoming a tribe member by pledging a small amount every month in exchange, there are certain perks available depending on the pledge level from.
[00:02:45] Michael Barticel (Host): Exclusive podcast episodes and, uh, videos and guided meditations, as well as, uh, monthly meetup groups and Hangouts online. And [00:03:00] there will soon be some merge as well available. So yeah, head over there, patrion.com/today, dreamer and check it out if you're enjoying the show. And I'm also going to leave plenty of links for the kidnapper metastatic station center.
[00:03:15] Michael Barticel (Host): Um, so you can check out more of this stuff more, the video is more, they work in the show notes section of this episode. What else is there to say? Well, I don't think there is too much else before getting into things, but I would like to. Share that there will be a special guided meditation. So please, uh, stay through to the end of this episode.
[00:03:41] Michael Barticel (Host): And if you haven't already click the subscribe button, hit the little notification bell. If you're watching on YouTube, let's, um, let's take a breath together before moving into the conversational space. So I'd like to invite you now, wherever you are [00:04:00] amongst whatever's been going on in your day to just pause if it feels right, gently close your eyes now.
[00:04:10] Michael Barticel (Host): So we can do that together.
[00:04:15] Michael Barticel (Host): Just began by slowly, yet, naturally taking a deep breath in through the nose and into the depths of your belly.
[00:04:35] Michael Barticel (Host): It's kind of a slow as naturally possible. I mean, enjoy the feeling, the subtleties of the breath.
[00:04:55] Michael Barticel (Host): Take your time with it. Whenever you reach [00:05:00] the peak. Just pause for a moment. Now, anything that's happened to just float away, calming the mind and easing any tension.
[00:05:23] Michael Barticel (Host): When you feel called the deuce. Gracefully exhale on the way out, further releasing any tension from the body. My
[00:05:38] Michael Barticel (Host): also take your time with this part.
[00:05:44] Michael Barticel (Host): When you get to the bottom, the exhale, you can pause for a moment there as well.[00:06:00]
[00:06:10] Michael Barticel (Host): When you're ready, my eyes to gently open
[00:06:17] Michael Barticel (Host): let's get into this conversation. Great.
[00:06:23] Gen Dornying (Monk): So from, just from what you were saying, I guess most people that journeying through life and to fulfill their own wishes, that's, that's a default position for most people. So when Buddha taught, he said, all living beings have one principle aspiration, which is to make themself happy, not just the happiness of, um, enjoyments, but, but deep and lasting eternal, uh, happiness without any suffering ever.
[00:06:54] Gen Dornying (Monk): And that's a principle aspiration of each and every living being [00:07:00] now, um, we all set out in life to fulfill that wish to fulfill the wish I want to. I want true and deep and everlasting pure happiness, but the very nature of that wish is self-focused. I. Want to be happy, but, but also taught that focusing on oneself is the greatest obstacle to being, to fulfilling a wish, to be truly happy.
[00:07:28] Gen Dornying (Monk): And so at some point, and you mentioned earlier the inflection point at some point in our spiritual and emotional development, maybe with the help of meeting a spiritual guide or a spiritual teacher, at some point, we realize that to fulfill that wish for ourself to be happy, we have to abandon the wish for ourself to be happy and instead wish for others to be happy.
[00:07:58] Gen Dornying (Monk): And so we start to [00:08:00] the journey. If you like, from one point of view, is this journey from a self-focused. To an other focus place. And as I was saying earlier, then perhaps the analogy that you, that you could use to describe that is if you were trying to start a fire with two sticks, I've never been able to do this, but apparently this is possible that you rub two sticks together.
[00:08:23] Gen Dornying (Monk): And I was never really a boy scout, but you rubbed the two sticks together and eventually you'll make a fire. But what do you do with the sticks? The sticks are they're thrown into the fire in a similar way. When we begin to understand that true and lasting happiness is found in our love of others. The self-focus motivation that if you like took us to that realization is consumed by that love.
[00:08:52] Gen Dornying (Monk): So we no longer have any self, um, concern. We ha we only have other concern and it's only [00:09:00] then that we will realize what happiness. Until then we will always be deceived by a notion of happiness that is, as we talked about last time, as a notion of happiness, that may arguably be actually just suffering, disguised as happiness.
[00:09:19] Gen Dornying (Monk): Um, and, and how is that? Well, this notion of this notion of happiness that is suffering disguises, happiness is the reduction of a previous problem. So for example, if I'm lonely and I develop attachment to having a relationship, then it w the, the relationship will look like happiness, but it's not. It's a reduction of my previous problem of loneliness.
[00:09:42] Gen Dornying (Monk): Many people get into a relationship thinking it will fulfill that wish used to be happy, and they think, oh my gosh, I wish I was alone. Or I wish my partner would take up a hobby. I wish they'd go out because that's not the happiness is a feeling. [00:10:00] Uh, uh, peaceful, feeling a feeling that the rights from a peaceful mind and ultimately focusing on ourselves always make us feel unpeaceful and focusing on others, because it opens the mind would always give us peace.
[00:10:14] Gen Dornying (Monk): You could divide meditation into, to contemplation, otherwise known as analytical meditation. And then the second type is placement meditation, which is a single pointedness of mind in the Buddhist tradition. We say that both have to be disciplined. We won't reach our spiritual destination by just closing our eyes and allowing the mind to wonder, even though, even though we may be wandering around very meaningful topics about the nature of reality and the purpose of life and, uh, how to fulfill our deepest wishes.
[00:10:53] Gen Dornying (Monk): The meditative journey of contemplation and meditation still has to be very disciplined. And so one [00:11:00] must have an idea of the objective and then the analytical meditation, or the contemplation becomes a purposeful internal investigation, which is always taking us towards our objective. So for example, in this discussion so far, we're talking about the idea that if I love others, I will fulfill my wishes to be happy.
[00:11:25] Gen Dornying (Monk): So then we have to then take that a bit deeper by understanding. Well, okay. At the moment, there's a lot of emphasis on the thought I want to be happy, so focused mind. And so what is that mine? And why does it need to be abandoned? What is its nature and what are the faults of the mind and so on. So then you might sit in contemplation considering what, for as long as I want myself to be happy, I will start [00:12:00] placing value on the things around me that appear to give me pleasant feelings or appear to make me happy.
[00:12:09] Gen Dornying (Monk): I will lower the value of things that appear indifferent to me. And I may even start to reject the things that look like. They might interfere with my happiness and cause me a problem. And this has many, we would contemplate this in meditation for as long as I'm focusing on my focusing on myself, I'm going to want to draw towards me certain things.
[00:12:33] Gen Dornying (Monk): I'm going to have a cold indifference towards many things, and I'm going to want to push away other things now to start a fire. It's not a stretch of the imagination to then think, well, if I, if I develop these thoughts, I will naturally begin to crave certain things. I will naturally begin to the anger or hatred towards other things.
[00:12:56] Gen Dornying (Monk): And the result of this is that my mind is going to start doing this [00:13:00] because it'll be like life on the ocean waves. I'm going to start bopping about on uncontrolled, emotional feelings that have been determined by the way, I'm projecting my reality through craving and hatred. And so on. Many people think that the world around them, uh, exists inherently.
[00:13:22] Gen Dornying (Monk): You know, I see a nice thing. I feel good, but what's happening is because of the self-focus mind, our S our pleasant feelings with respect to something, make it look. Rather than it being inherently good. That's why some people fall in love with certain people who others detest. It's not the reality is not, it's not entirely objective.
[00:13:48] Gen Dornying (Monk): It's subjective. So if we were meditating on this, we'd think deep but deeply, we think, well, um, what, what's the real worst excesses of a cell focused mind. And then we [00:14:00] start realizing, um, things like addiction, you know, things like selfish behavior arguments and this harmony in the world. And then we look at the global effect of everybody's selfishness and we can see what, what happens in the world.
[00:14:16] Gen Dornying (Monk): And we start thinking, this is point isn't it deeper, deeper, deeper. This is a poisonous mind. Um, then you might argue in your own contemplation and you might object what I want. Confidence, self esteem. And so I need to focus on myself. I need to focus on my good qualities, but then we can say, well, it's not out of self-confidence or self-esteem that we get driven to the depths of alcoholism.
[00:14:43] Gen Dornying (Monk): We, we give up our responsibilities or we, what was pain to someone because we've developed anger, none of this leads to self-confidence herself, steam, and then we can then much more naturally reach a conclusion [00:15:00] I'm going to love other, because we've had analyze very deeply what it is we're trying to abandon and why we're trying to do it, Tane what we want to attain.
[00:15:09] Gen Dornying (Monk): And if we do that in a very strict way, following these, this controlled right word. Yeah. Controlled contemplation, purposeful investigation. In our mind, we will then reach a single pointedness, almost a sense of liberation. I would love for others. I'm now free from selfish concern and it feels good. And then we can use our imagination.
[00:15:38] Gen Dornying (Monk): If we then imagine our mind space to be filled of all living beings. And we transform our whole heart into the wish, may they all be happy? And personally, I like to then imagine that my wish has some power and the, in my imagination, I see them begin to smile and that feeds back into the meditation because [00:16:00] it makes it, it gives my meditation more confidence.
[00:16:03] Gen Dornying (Monk): And then as we meditate on this, we can call it wishing love, wishing up our mind become single pointed. And then we get into the idea of what mindfulness is. Once the mind is single pointed in this case on love, the ability to hold that. Without any wondering now the conservation is finished, so no more wondering no more.
[00:16:30] Gen Dornying (Monk): Um, considering other things we need to hold the experience of love moment to moment to moment to moment. And that holding is, is done by what we call in Buddhism. Mindfulness. Now mindfulness is really popular word. Everybody's talking about mindfulness. It's like the poster word for perhaps a multi-billion dollar spiritual movement, but nobody really knows what it is like if we were to, if someone's [00:17:00] practicing mindfulness and we say, say to them, um, okay, well give me a explanation of what mindfulness is.
[00:17:07] Gen Dornying (Monk): People have many ideas, some people say, oh, it's just watching a thoughts or being aware of your feelings. Maybe letting your mind go blank. But mindfulness is a, is it a term. To describe a part of the mind, which we call mental factor or mental function. It's the part of the mind that functions to remember what's a hold.
[00:17:33] Gen Dornying (Monk): So if you're somebody who, who constantly loses their keys or leave things in the pocket of an airplane, you know, if we're a person who forgets things, then, then we, we are someone whose mindfulness is not very strong. Someone who has a good, sharp memory, they have good mindfulness. Mindfulness is like a muscle in the mind [00:18:00] that can be trained like any muscle, you know, like if you go to the gym and you, you keep lifting weights, you will strengthen your muscles.
[00:18:10] Gen Dornying (Monk): So by training in single pointedness, our mindfulness is becoming strong. So mindfulness is not a practice as such. Mindfulness is just the part of the mind that has the ability to hold single pointedly and to remember. So if in this case, we're meditating on this love, nice feeling, warm, warm, heart arises, feeling of being close to all living beings.
[00:18:39] Gen Dornying (Monk): Um, ho ho whole mind is pervaded by the wish may they be happy? And then that whole experience is being held. Single-pointed the moment to moment to moment to moment for one of them or less for one of them more Buddhist expression, it's like killing two birds. Of course we don't kill anything in Buddhism, but [00:19:00] the, the ability to hold that feeling is not only improving our happiness, the happiness of love, but it's also strengthening our mindful.
[00:19:10] Gen Dornying (Monk): So that we become sharper, clearer, more focused, more ability to remember more ability to make spiritual progress, their ability to control our emotions, overcoming emotional problems, or coming from a strong mind or coming from exercising mindfulness. So we can do this moment to moment to moment holding in meditation.
[00:19:31] Gen Dornying (Monk): This feeling of love. Please jump in at any point, if I'm talking too much, Michael, but we, we meditate like this. And then we go through a complete internal transformation of the person we are, because our ability to hold that experience is changing who we are because we begin as a person who's focused on themselves.
[00:19:58] Gen Dornying (Monk): But through this chat, [00:20:00] this holding these experiences in meditation for a discipline, very controlled, very structured. What is what comes out. The other end of the meditation is a brand new person, because what is a person just in that label, but the thought, I, you say the thought, um, the thought me is the label given to the collection of my body, which is a machine.
[00:20:29] Gen Dornying (Monk): And my mind should my mind be pervaded by love, then the thought I isn't, I who is happy, an I that cherishes others. We wake up in the mornings. I am happy because that I is a label given principally to a mind that's pervaded by good feelings coming from LA. And that's only the beginning really, because eventually is there's limitless possibility as to who we can become, which is ultimately [00:21:00] Buddhahood complete, fully enlightened.
[00:21:04] Gen Dornying (Monk): Yeah, the potentiality
[00:21:05] Michael Barticel (Host): is quite interesting in itself, but I'm drawn to the, I guess the significance of the initial ambition,
[00:21:15] Gen Dornying (Monk): this idea of, um, be motivated by selfishness, some, some clarity and
[00:21:22] Michael Barticel (Host): some contemplation on what the ambition is. And they're all almost seems to be a sense of,
[00:21:30] Gen Dornying (Monk): um,
[00:21:33] Michael Barticel (Host): you know, see this time and time again with this idea of a feeling and you know, that word's also quite loaded, but feeling, um, a sense of love and then within your practice and then taking that feeling and holding it, um, and maybe applying it in different ways with like, um, as a mental exercise and then.[00:22:00]
[00:22:00] Michael Barticel (Host): You know, how does that fit into, how does that within your practice fit into your life? And like you mentioned, they kind of feed into one another and there's this kind of spiraling process that goes on. But I think the initial ambition and exploring that, um, seems like a significant thing to do. Seems like, and, and then even like revisiting what our ambition is and, and checking in with that, cause that seems to develop and change.
[00:22:31] Michael Barticel (Host): I feel, um, maybe, maybe not the exact ambition, sometimes it would be, but it's also, uh, the words or the language we use to describe what that is.
[00:22:43] Gen Dornying (Monk): When you say ambition, do you mean, do you mean, what is it we want from life or. What is it where we're going or what do we wish for, or what, when or why do we become a spiritual person?
[00:22:56] Gen Dornying (Monk): Or why do we enter the spiritual?
[00:22:58] Michael Barticel (Host): I think all of that. And, [00:23:00] um, and yeah, like what is the motivation behind what we're doing? Um, what's the,
[00:23:07] Gen Dornying (Monk): you know,
[00:23:08] Michael Barticel (Host): what are we doing here? And, and, and why are we doing any of this?
[00:23:12] Gen Dornying (Monk): Um, that's a big question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean just the, just the motivation of, of most people and I guess I'm generalizing, but there are, there are many altruistic people in this world who are striving to find a way of bringing great benefit to others and to this world.
[00:23:35] Gen Dornying (Monk): Um, but at risk of generalizing, most people's ambition is just, I want to be happy. I think I want to be happy. And it's, it is. Depending on what appears in one's life and what various conditions arise. It is finally that ambition, which is arguably selfish. You know, I [00:24:00] just want to be happy, but it is that motivation that finally will lead people to realize to the, to the realization, if I'm going to be able to do this, then I need to completely change.
[00:24:14] Gen Dornying (Monk): Um, I need to completely change in a very profound way as part of your question. I mean, it's the, why are we here? Thing? I mean, it's, it is related to a huge question. Why are we here? What is the meaning of life now? If, if in terms of the meaning of life, if I'm principle, aspiration is everlasting happiness and we find, or our subsequent wishes.
[00:24:48] Gen Dornying (Monk): Are in line with that principle aspiration. And since our main wish in our life is to be happy. And we find a life that fulfills that wish then arguably, [00:25:00] and we can go, we'll go deeper into this in a moment, but on a, just on a surface level, if my wish is to find everlasting happiness, and I find the means to fulfill that wish, then I found the meaning of my life.
[00:25:17] Gen Dornying (Monk): Well, we have to understand what is the lasting happiness. And we need to probably go a bit deeper on that because I once gave that said this in a teaching and later somebody who attended the teaching began to fail that surfing was a virtue because for him surfing in his mind was the source of everlasting happiness.
[00:25:39] Gen Dornying (Monk): So in his mind, he said, I found the meaning of life because I go so. But if surfing was really a true source of the hub of happiness, then the more you sir, the happy you'd become. But [00:26:00] in reality, after about four hours, your body will start to tell you that's enough, maybe six hours, maybe eight hours.
[00:26:07] Gen Dornying (Monk): Maybe it's eventually, it's going to start to hurt. Moreover, if, if surfing was where happiness came from, what would you do if you lost the ability to it became sick and you lost the ability to surf? Well, you became too old. You'd be crushed. If you felt that was a true source of happiness, you spiral into depression.
[00:26:30] Gen Dornying (Monk): Therefore that's an incorrect statement. So then we could say, okay, well, you would expect me to say, because I'm a Buddhist monk in a piece is the true source of happiness, therefore meditation choose. Or that you'd expect me to say that. But if, if you, um, new, even in your efforts to find happy, maybe you found [00:27:00] some peace, but if you knew that at some point in the future, you still have the potential to suffer.
[00:27:07] Gen Dornying (Monk): And you knew that even while you're enjoying your inner peace, so-called inner peace. And anyway, whether it's the softwaring of aging or this unknown sickness that you may develop may develop terminal cancer, terminal illness, or just the death process, even though you may be enjoying a peaceful mind and at a very low level in your heart, we know as human beings that these things are coming and so deep down there will be a low level anxiety that interferes with that peace.
[00:27:41] Gen Dornying (Monk): And therefore we need an even greater. If we are to find a meaning of life, we need an even greater spiritual ambition to find permanent liberation. Now what that is and how to do that. So is it maybe discussion? We have a bit later, but in terms of, [00:28:00] so say you find that say you actually developed such profound peace for realizing whatever.
[00:28:05] Gen Dornying (Monk): Like last time we discussed the nature of cell, say we discover such a profound piece that Def will no longer cause us a problem, but you then realize in your heart and the depth of your ex, your ex, your meditation, the people you love are still suffering, or they're still going to suffer again. You can't say you found lasting happiness because it's very difficult to be able to say, I am truly happy in the knowledge that people you love still have potential for sex.
[00:28:41] Gen Dornying (Monk): And eventually, of course, if we get the first meditation, right, that'd be everybody. So even, even the strength of mind that stops us, fearing death is not enough. It's not real everlasting eternal happiness, because otherwise it'd be [00:29:00] like being imprisoned. It'd be like, we were in prisons with our mother.
[00:29:04] Gen Dornying (Monk): We found a way out, but we left our mother. You know, we we'd never be able to live with ourselves. If we got out of this situation where we were in prison or I'm free. I found my liberation you'd know in the back of your mind, you left your mum there. So in a similar way, if we are to find the highest levels of happiness, finally, we need to dedicate our own being in this world to the liberation of everyone.
[00:29:36] Gen Dornying (Monk): It doesn't mean we necessarily achieve. In our life, although how wonderful, if we do, we achieve a state of mind that can draw everybody to the same state, how wonderful. But if we are using that as our trajectory through life, I'm working for the benefit of each and every living being, [00:30:00] then I think you could find the true meaning of life and true happiness.
[00:30:05] Gen Dornying (Monk): And I think that's where it lies in that hugely altruistic, deeply compassionate space. How'd you do it? That's a big question. How did you, yeah. Yeah, it's
[00:30:22] Michael Barticel (Host): almost, it seems as though in some sense that it may be like an impossible task, but it doesn't mean that it shouldn't be striped
[00:30:31] Gen Dornying (Monk): for precisely know.
[00:30:33] Gen Dornying (Monk): Yeah. It's interesting. Because it's not about, it's not about your actions. It's about who you feel you are in terms of perfect mental stability and inner peace and emotional strength. It's it's to know what I up, I abide in this world for the sake of all beings. [00:31:00] I mean, that's a tremendous source of self-confidence.
[00:31:05] Gen Dornying (Monk): Um, it's a self confidence that comes from not having a self, you know, no ego. It's just, Hmm. I'm just striving to become a force of good. Of course. If you could misunderstand that you could become hugely ego mystical. Couldn't it. I am a force for good and as well, it's, it's a much, it's a selfless state whereby the mind has just become a servant.
[00:31:28] Gen Dornying (Monk): It's much more lowest of all than highest of all.
[00:31:35] Michael Barticel (Host): There's traps, peppered within everywhere.
[00:31:37] Gen Dornying (Monk): Um, you know, is a good expression. They're all indeed. Everywhere. Yeah. Um,
[00:31:43] Michael Barticel (Host): so what's coming to me at the moment is this idea of we've spoken a lot about happiness. The, the words being used a lot of times, um, and suffering seems to be different types of suffering and [00:32:00] different ways to navigate within suffering.
[00:32:03] Michael Barticel (Host): And what's come clear to me what seems to be the case, um, over the last year or so, is this idea of, uh, sinking into suffering to, to enable
[00:32:15] Gen Dornying (Monk): us to, uh,
[00:32:18] Michael Barticel (Host): find compassion for others by recognizing the similarities
[00:32:23] Gen Dornying (Monk): and to overcome,
[00:32:27] Michael Barticel (Host): or kind of move into and through,
[00:32:31] Gen Dornying (Monk): um, instead of. Away from, and, you know, distract ourselves, but it
[00:32:40] Michael Barticel (Host): seems like a very difficult thing to do.
[00:32:43] Michael Barticel (Host): It seems like the most difficult thing to do. And the thing that, you know, from a primal sense, we don't, we kind of trying to stay away from, or there's like this innate fear or this kind of, uh, tension, you know, it's almost like [00:33:00]
[00:33:01] Gen Dornying (Monk): going
[00:33:01] Michael Barticel (Host): into our suffering or scuff, the suffering more skillfully
[00:33:05] Gen Dornying (Monk): suffering skillfully.
[00:33:07] Gen Dornying (Monk): It's it's a great term.
[00:33:08] Michael Barticel (Host): Yeah. It's a difficult thing.
[00:33:11] Gen Dornying (Monk): Yeah. Yeah. It could do a course how to suffer skill for me. Yeah. I don't know how popular many people would take that. I can. I think it's about it's about clarity and discipline in order to be able to determine exactly what is. Suffering to be able to really hone in on what is suffering.
[00:33:34] Gen Dornying (Monk): Because again, a lot of people feel that suffering is the theater that's sort of, um, that the sufferings of response to. So it, when, when Buddha taught, he said the very essence of any problem is pain, painful feeling in the mind, painful feeling and that everything that we believe to be [00:34:00] suffering is really just the circumstances that are triggering the painful feelings.
[00:34:06] Gen Dornying (Monk): And so, but as human beings, we often say, well, my suffering is, is the circumstances. And so we devote a lot of time and energy to trying to navigate the circumstances, but we never devote any time and energy to being able to control the feelings. And so, as a result, we never free ourselves from suffering, which is find ourselves going from.
[00:34:27] Gen Dornying (Monk): So-called source of suffering to another. And that also in terms of, I think what you were getting at was using our suffering to have compassion for others. It also becomes more difficult to do that because we haven't clarified what is suffering very clearly for ourself. Um, just to take a lighthearted example, once I was teaching in, um, in new south Wales and Newcastle lake Macquarie, [00:35:00] and that day I'd met a lady who was renovating her investment property.
[00:35:08] Gen Dornying (Monk): So she had a home and then she had this other property and, uh, she couldn't decide what floor to put in the investment property. And it caused her huge emotional distress to the point where she was, um, in tears. Now that night, when I was giving the talk. Um, I used her as an example, and somebody hack or like someone shouted out in the group and said, well, she deserves to suffer.
[00:35:36] Gen Dornying (Monk): So suggesting that, you know, this is someone who's wealthy, got everything and she's become some miserable over a floor or she deserved to suffer. And I thought it was very interesting because maybe for that person changing a floor is makes no difference. It's, uh, it's menial. It's, uh, it's, it's stupid.
[00:35:59] Gen Dornying (Monk): But what [00:36:00] you can't do is say that that woman's suffering was not real, but that person was really suffering just because the person in the crowd wouldn't have found those circumstances enough to trigger emotional pain, they cannot deny. But this other person is in pain and therefore that person couldn't have compassion for that lady because this person is not really understanding what is suffering.
[00:36:32] Gen Dornying (Monk): How do we get
[00:36:32] Michael Barticel (Host): from that point of, okay. Even if this person was to realize that, you know, this lady was suffering from her own
[00:36:43] Gen Dornying (Monk): delusions,
[00:36:45] Michael Barticel (Host): how do we move past the realization to the felt, experience and match things up so we can kind of sync up and feel into, uh, the suffering of the other person, even [00:37:00] though it's not ours.
[00:37:01] Michael Barticel (Host): And even though we wouldn't suffer in the same circumstance because
[00:37:06] Gen Dornying (Monk): you know, it's
[00:37:08] Michael Barticel (Host): just flooring.
[00:37:10] Gen Dornying (Monk): Well, you know, um, we don't have to wait very long until we experienced that. Suffering. I mean, suffering does tend to befall us fairly effortlessly. I mean, how happiness eludes us suffering comes with our choice.
[00:37:29] Gen Dornying (Monk): So what we have to do is if we're going to learn this empathy, we have to start to, and this is where I think you were going with suffering skillfully. I think we have to start to use our own suffering more. For example, if something goes wrong in our life and we ourselves start to experience some emotional problem, the compassionate practitioner will use the suffering that we're experiencing as an example of the suffering of [00:38:00] others.
[00:38:01] Gen Dornying (Monk): Like for example, um, some pain comes up in some difficulty in our life and we express with some painful feeling. If we sit down, not do not be afraid of the feeling, just allow the feeling to be in our mind, but then recognize. But there are millions of people who have the same problem and the same pain, but probably a lot worse than we have.
[00:38:28] Gen Dornying (Monk): Now. What happens the mechanics of this process are that it's not that we suddenly become this altruistic, compassionate person, great being I am, because I'm now thinking of other now what's actually happening is that we're developing a certain perspective of our problem. It becomes reduced in the light of the fact that there are millions and millions of people who are drowning in the same problem, but a lot worse except we know what they're going through [00:39:00] because we have it.
[00:39:01] Gen Dornying (Monk): So if we start to understand as this, as we, as the mind opens, and as our perspective begins to change that new perspective causes this pain to reduce just through perspective. Now as this develops, it can then become a wish or may actually let me just think about this. May, may they be free because they're millions and I'm one.
[00:39:29] Gen Dornying (Monk): And th the, a few moments of bad feeling in the mind of one living being is not a catastrophe in the light of the same emotional feelings in the minds of millions and millions of living beings. Suddenly we feel like a grain of sand on a beach and everything reduces the pain, reduces the self focus, mind reduces the other focus, mind opens up the perspective changes, and this process alone starts to give rise to inner peace.
[00:39:58] Gen Dornying (Monk): Then the wish for them to be [00:40:00] free, then feelings of compassion, then huge happiness coming. As a result of this experience, I've almost had
[00:40:10] Michael Barticel (Host): the opposite experience happened.
[00:40:11] Gen Dornying (Monk): Yeah. The pain goes up and the happiness
[00:40:21] Michael Barticel (Host): goes down in a
[00:40:22] Gen Dornying (Monk): sense, I think this is common. This is common, but there is sometimes a huge mistake that we make where we mix compassion with rejection.
[00:40:35] Gen Dornying (Monk): So instead of completely opening our heart to the thought this suffering is happening, may it sees, we started in, it's hard to recognize we subtly develop the thought. I don't want this to be happening, which is an aspect of anger because it's a rejection. And for as long as we have, even just an aspect of anger, we will crush [00:41:00] ourselves emotionally.
[00:41:01] Gen Dornying (Monk): I think
[00:41:02] Michael Barticel (Host): that may have happened, but it felt more like
[00:41:06] Gen Dornying (Monk): an acceptance of the fee. And it was like
[00:41:13] Michael Barticel (Host): almost too intense to hold the pain and the suffering
[00:41:17] Gen Dornying (Monk): of others, but there's must be a there's must be a contradiction between an acceptance and a feeling of, of it being too much. Yeah,
[00:41:28] Michael Barticel (Host): yeah, yeah. Yes.
[00:41:30] Gen Dornying (Monk): I mean, I, this, he used to teach in Glebe in Sydney and, uh, and there was a lady that is to assist the class, used to help me.
[00:41:40] Gen Dornying (Monk): And the one day we were talking about compassion and she said, um, she said, though, every month I do my compassionate things. You said, I subscribe to the RSPC magazine. She said that this is my it's different to your situation because I can see that you're a deep thinker. And I think she was a little bit more on the surface.[00:42:00]
[00:42:01] Gen Dornying (Monk): Anyway, she sent them, she said, this is my compassionate action. This is what I do each, each year. Mum. And she said, but I will never open the magazine. And I said, well, why would you not open it? We buy this magazine. Why do you not open it? She said, because the suffering is too much for me. I don't want to see it.
[00:42:25] Gen Dornying (Monk): Of course, I wouldn't say this to her, but when I contemplated and reflected on that situation, I realized that that wasn't compassion. It was a rejection of the suffering and then a kind of a kind of, um, transaction to pay her own conscience off. So I don't want to see the suffering, but here's some money you see, rather than I have to accept.
[00:42:51] Gen Dornying (Monk): There is an awful lot of suffering in this world. It is tremendous amount of suffering, but I need to know this [00:43:00] because my ambition, as we talked about earlier is to be a force for healing.
[00:43:07] Michael Barticel (Host): So it almost becomes motivation as well. Absolutely. Yeah. Okay. That kind of ties back in quite nicely.
[00:43:12] Gen Dornying (Monk): Yeah. It's a good question.
[00:43:15] Gen Dornying (Monk): It's a good point. Yeah.
[00:43:29] Gen Dornying (Monk): So there is a meditation, there is a book actually, which a lot of these topics you can read about which you can download for free. Um, it's called how to transform your life is the name of the book. And it's written by my teacher, my spiritual guide. Yep. and, but it's available for everybody for free and there's a website called how to tyl.com and all these things we've discussed.
[00:43:59] Gen Dornying (Monk): You can. [00:44:00] In the book on how to meditate on them, but in there's a really simple, really beautiful meditation about where he explained that all of our daily problems and all of our unhappiness and lack of happiness and the greatest obstacle to our happiness arises from wishing ourselves to be happy all the time.
[00:44:25] Gen Dornying (Monk): And he said, if we practice stopping this wish, so it's a practice, the practice of stopping the wish for myself to be happy all the time. And instead wish for others to be happy all the time. We will have no experience of suffering or problems. And he says at all, it's a big call. Yeah. No experience of suffering.
[00:44:53] Gen Dornying (Monk): At all. And he said, we can see from this, that the real source of all of our problems is the uncontrolled [00:45:00] desire. Wishing ourselves to be happy all the time. So I thought it'd be nice. We can meditate on that. We do it in two stages. We'll imagine we've stopped the wish for ourselves to be happy all the time.
[00:45:12] Gen Dornying (Monk): And then we'll start almost like this cloud is lifted off our shoulders. Like we're off the hook. The SA the servitude has come to an end. We're no longer a slave to our desire. Just be in the quietude of that experience. We can then gently turn our mind to others and see if we can hold a feeling of love moments, a moment, practice mindfulness as well.
[00:45:37] Gen Dornying (Monk): Should we try it? Let's do it. All right. So comfortable posture straight back, hands in your lap.
[00:45:58] Gen Dornying (Monk): No, your eyelids[00:46:00]
[00:46:09] Gen Dornying (Monk): drop, drop your shoulders.
[00:46:42] Gen Dornying (Monk): Breathe gently through your nose.
[00:46:53] Gen Dornying (Monk): And just to bring yourself into the present, just focus on the sensation of the breath for a minute or [00:47:00] so,
[00:47:07] Gen Dornying (Monk): the cooler as you inhale and the warmer, softer sensation as you exhale.[00:48:00]
[00:48:26] Gen Dornying (Monk): If we practice stopping
[00:48:33] Gen Dornying (Monk): wishing for ourselves to be happy all the time.
[00:48:43] Gen Dornying (Monk): And instead
[00:48:49] Gen Dornying (Monk): wish for others to be happy all the time.
[00:48:59] Gen Dornying (Monk): We [00:49:00] will have no experience of suffering, um, problems at all.
[00:49:12] Gen Dornying (Monk): So firstly, imagine
[00:49:18] Gen Dornying (Monk): that your wish to be happy all the time. Let's see.
[00:49:34] Gen Dornying (Monk): Yeah.
[00:49:43] Gen Dornying (Monk): The mind becomes completely still and present no longer craving searching
[00:49:55] Gen Dornying (Monk): and enjoy this mental peace for a couple of minutes.[00:50:00] [00:51:00]
[00:51:32] Gen Dornying (Monk): I imagine.
[00:51:36] Gen Dornying (Monk): In the vast space of your mind, you see all living beings
[00:51:51] Gen Dornying (Monk): and consider how deeply they long to be happy[00:52:00]
[00:52:09] Gen Dornying (Monk): and saying how wonderful if they could be at peace. How wonderful if they could experience everlasting happiness,
[00:52:32] Gen Dornying (Monk): transform your whole heart. Into this wish. May they be happy?
[00:52:59] Gen Dornying (Monk): Imagine your wish [00:53:00] has real power. Then you'd begin to see them smile peacefully.[00:54:00]
[00:54:50] Gen Dornying (Monk): Hold this wish and a warm heart feeling of being close to.[00:55:00]
[00:55:05] Gen Dornying (Monk): Moment to moment to moment,
[00:55:12] Gen Dornying (Monk): enjoy and transform your whole mind.[00:56:00] [00:57:00] [00:58:00] [00:59:00]
[00:59:40] Gen Dornying (Monk): In your, in your own time.
[00:59:49] Gen Dornying (Monk): Begin to
[00:59:53] Gen Dornying (Monk): relax your meditation,
[00:59:58] Gen Dornying (Monk): come back to your breath.[01:00:00]
[01:00:10] Gen Dornying (Monk): Well, the mind is, should be relaxed, peaceful, and just focusing on the breath.
[01:00:20] Gen Dornying (Monk): Cool. Does your inhale the warmer, softer sensation as you actually.
[01:00:54] Gen Dornying (Monk): And without losing any feelings of love, any feelings of peace [01:01:00] can rise from the meditation when you feel.
[01:01:43] Gen Dornying (Monk): So I think the important thing is, is as you incorporate this kind of meditation into your life externally, we don't need to change too much. In the beginning, we just take this peaceful feeling and then we take it into life. So [01:02:00] we can still go for a coffee with our friends, but for us, the happiness is not coming from the core.
[01:02:06] Gen Dornying (Monk): But I love for a friend or experience we're having from within. And we just understand that there is a conventional basis for interaction. So externally remain natural in so externally, ordinary, and internally, extra ordinary. And then in that way we can bring it together like a union of our spiritual development without causing any problems or worry in other people, uh, and just fits in quite nicely into the modern world, even though the bottom world is getting crazier by the month.
[01:02:40] Gen Dornying (Monk): Hmm.
[01:02:42] Michael Barticel (Host): You mentioned the
[01:02:45] Gen Dornying (Monk): picturing that by holding that feeling sense that
[01:02:52] Michael Barticel (Host): spreading the happiness across the, I was picturing stars as people.
[01:02:58] Gen Dornying (Monk): Yeah. Yeah.
[01:02:59] Michael Barticel (Host): [01:03:00] Um, you know, the effect that that's actually having. I think that it
[01:03:05] Gen Dornying (Monk): does. Absolutely. Yeah, because we're going to discuss last time. Reality is, and we touched on it earlier.
[01:03:14] Gen Dornying (Monk): Reality is not as objective as we have always believed. We know that even on a basic level from the fact that when our mind changes, things look different, you know, people look more attractive to a beautiful mind than they do to an unpleasant mind. And so you simply cannot deny that when one meditates on the wish all beings to be happy, that that is not bringing goodness into this world, it would be an extreme to deny that I think.
[01:03:46] Gen Dornying (Monk): Mm Hmm.
[01:03:49] Michael Barticel (Host): Thank you for tuning into this episode of the today, dream a podcast, hopefully you found something. That will allow you to deepen your practice of presence and [01:04:00] cultivate that within your own life. As always, if you'd like more information on the guests or their work, please head over to the today.
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[01:05:13] Michael Barticel (Host): Thank you so much. That's all for me. And I will catch you in the next episode, in the meantime, be well .