Circling Method for Deeper Relationships
The circling method can be used for deeper relationships. In our life, we all want to develop deeper and more authentic relationships with the important people in our lives. In this episode, Guy Sengstock shares the Circling Method with us. Through the Circling Method, we can practice deep listening and connect with other people. We learn how to relate with other people and have a collective development through shared intimacy. Listen to this episode as Guy shows us attunement and the process of fine-tuning it, along with a new and profound perspective on relationships.
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Circling Method for Deeper Relationships
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Guy Sengstock
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[00:00:00] Welcome back to the today dream podcast. My name is Michael as always. I'm your host and the show here is really just to explore conversations that will help us all cultivate our practice of presence and integrate, dreaming, and doing into being in service of the blossoming of an emergent world story.
[00:00:30] Let's participate in what's emerging together in a meaningful way. Today's guest on the show is Guy Sengstock. We're going to be talking about circling and Guy discovered circling quite a while ago, uh, around '98 or 2000, if I'm not wrong, where him and a friend of his, they both kind of looked at each other after a profound intimate session of human commission.
[00:01:00] And in that moment, something you was born in discovered and from then forward for the last 20 or so years, they've been exploring that space of intimacy in a group setting. So that's what we're going to be diving into today. What is circling and what does it mean to really listen to being to really listen?
[00:01:28] Yeah, let's, let's get into the conversation before we do, though. I'd just like to throw this out there. If you feel as though you're getting something special out of the conversations and it's helping you, and you're able to apply some of the insights and deepen your state of presence in life, then please consider deepening your journey with the show.
[00:01:48] But. Being at being an active supporter, you can do that by heading over to patreon.com forward slash today, dreamer and becoming part of the tribe. And there'll be certain perks and gifts available to you, uh, for doing so, depending on the level that you all feel comfortable pledging, and there's other ways to support the show as well, feel free to share it with some friends.
[00:02:13] If you're listening on Spotify or apple podcasts, leave a review. If you haven't already, it always feels really good when I receive feedback via comments or emails. So connect in any way. Um, you can, but yeah, let's get into the conversation with guy. I really felt something special, uh, was born within me through this conversation.
[00:02:40] And I'm sure the same thing will happen to you. Let's take a moment to take a deep breath together, coming to. A moment of pause, a moment of stillness amongst the chaos of our lives and drop into kind of a shared space a little bit deeper together now before moving into the conversation. So I'd just like to invite you to find a comfortable position.
[00:03:03] And when you're ready, bring your eyelids to a gentle close,
[00:03:12] take one B inhale in and exhale out into the nose, deep into the belly
[00:03:24] and release.
[00:03:31] Now let's do that again this time. See if you can make your inhale as slow as naturally possible.
[00:03:42] Whenever it is that you reached the page. Take your time with it and just pause there for a moment feelings in that space for exhaling, just as gracefully on the way out.
[00:04:33] she is again.
[00:04:40] Yeah. Yeah. Just that little reminder. Um, yeah, so we were just discussing this reenactment of, uh, uh, uh, coming to, uh, so please correct me if I'm wrong with this, because I think it's probably good for me to try to put it into words and then see where I land with it. So that curiosity, but, uh, from what I understand, Plato would, there would be a process where, uh, a group of individuals would get together.
[00:05:10] I'm not really quite sure how the, how these people came to be where they were, but they would discuss ideas and almost in a way challenge, one another's ideas consciously and purposefully in order to get to a new place that none of them were at or could possibly get to on their own. Um, is that something like, even that painting behind you in, in a sense, or is that kind of what you guys were doing?
[00:09:13] Yeah, it seems like a very exciting thing to be bringing back that in a sense, even though you've been doing it for quite some time now, and I just, I've got this wondering around the setting up of that space, like how, how do you arrange things or what what's been. I guess the evolution of, of, of learning about this and, and setting it up and encouraging it and invoking it for you over the years.
[00:09:39] And, and like, how did, how do you even begin to, um, bring this into being, um, in an intentional way? Because it seems like it's, uh, it's something that, um, yeah, there's like a, there's a beauty to it. And like you said, a lot of it can't be put into words, but how do you coax it out into being that's that's what I'm wondering.
[00:10:20] Hmm.
[00:14:53] Yeah.
[00:17:36] Yeah, that sounds right. Let's set this up and let's see what happens. And then let's, that's all part of it. Right. And have you, have you found that? Yeah, just curious how this has kind of, obviously this would have kind of bled into the way that you're living your life and the way that you're approaching every scenario.
[00:17:55] Just, do you have anything to kind of, does anything come into your heart or mind around that? When I, when I say.
[00:19:54] It feels like it would have quite a big impact on, on the people as well. And it's this sharing and this kind of co-creation of something new, this, this co being, maybe it would be a better way of putting it.
[00:20:11] Yeah. And it seems like it's a beautiful thing. Um, that I've come across. I feel like I had a beautiful. It feels like a, a special area to be explored for me, I guess. Um, and this is so fascinating and exciting, and I guess I've circled around circling for a while, but I've never actually gone inside. So I really appreciate you sharing all this with me.
[00:20:38] It's it's really, it is fascinating. Yeah.
[00:24:27] Um,
[00:24:39] you do something towards the end of a session that highlight. Uh, or, uh, brings to life through language, the change that everyone's experienced or is it, it's probably both, but I'm just wondering if there's like a, cause it seems to be the case that I know when there's moments where I've felt, felt this profound connection in relationship.
[00:25:03] I kind of think of it as like the, the most potent moments of life in my life that I can kind of reflect back on these, these immense moments. And they are always in this connection of relationship. Um, there seems to be this gradual, uh, effect I'll put it that way or something that happens gradually that may not be.
[00:25:25] Straightaway realized, you know, like maybe over, maybe in the next couple of years, I'm like, wow, that just reflecting back, this is almost deep. And over that time, just wondering if there's something that's, um, cause I'm realizing a lot of the time we don't see things that other people it's a bit more obvious to others around us.
[00:25:43] So is there some kind of a naming or a calling out or a sharing towards the end of the sessions that brings that to life and maybe even, you know, um, projects that process in, into action.
[00:30:34] Yeah. Yeah, totally great. Yeah. What I was going to say earlier. I think it kind of, um, this leads into it quite well. Actually it was this idea of, you mentioned the, like bringing the words, um, almost like allowing the words to, uh, cement something in, in space and time in a sense. And there's almost something that the opposite of that is, seems to be true as well.
[00:30:57] Like these moments seem to be beyond words and you share these moments and there's this almost, I think maybe something would even be lost to convert some of them to language. Not that you even could in the, in the fullest expression, but just like, um, the, the creating or the being within these moments beyond words, uh, just facilitating that process seems to be exactly what, um, what brings us together, what heals, what allows us to come back into the.
[00:31:34] What, um, what is called for through this accelerator, exponential acceleration in the other direction, it's almost like a, um, and like you mentioned, this came into being at the same time. So that's an interesting thing. There seems to be a sense of, uh, uh, polarity or ying and yang going on.
[00:33:52] Yeah, Jim's a weird, Jim's a really weird.
[00:34:51] Yeah.
[00:37:18] Yeah, I can. I feel the same way. I've, I've been, um, I've been holding little hubs at my house where just kind of gather with people and we come into a state of presence together, and then we just share and listen to one another openly and I've felt the same kind of thing. Like it's, it's almost like real present being with one another in relationship has become stranger and stress.
[00:37:50] Another example is I've I've recently just in my own life, started dating again, going on. Yeah. I think I'm going to delete these dating apps on my phone tonight, actually, but just going on the dating apps, it's like inviting people to a conversation and then having, having them say how strange it is to talk to someone is an interesting kind of way to realize that same thing that you articulated.
[00:38:18] It's like, it's, it's strange to talk to a stranger on the phone and it's strange to really talk to a lot of people on the phone because everyone sends these, these messages where there's, there is a kind of, uh, I don't know, like you don't get as much feeling from them. You don't get a glimpse into the person's vibe.
[00:38:38] You don't get too. Really understand what they're, what they're, where they're coming from, because it's literally just black and white, a few words on a screen rather than, um, the way that their body language is, um, the way that their energy is, that's kind of beyond words. And then the way that in which they speak the words as well, and the tone in their voice, all that's gone.
[00:39:02] And as things speed up in a way that we won't even be able to imagine, you know, um, while we can't sort of imagine at this moment, uh, continuously speeding up and technology breeds more technology who knows where and how deep that goes and to have a space created intentionally for the purpose of Rayanne livening, the beauty of relationship and connection and all the beautiful properties that that brings about within us and around us.
[00:39:33] I think it's such a beautiful thing and it's. It's needed, but it's also like a natural thing. Like we said, that emerges amongst because it is needed because it is kind of the counterpart that people, you probably, you know, you've probably experienced this, but over the last 20 years, as, as technology has grown and other factors have come into play, obviously as well, um, that lead people to feel more and more disconnected and lonely, even though we live in these places with thousands of people around us, we don't know any of them.
[00:40:04] It seems as though there's more of a receptivity to a real interaction though. Like it's more potent, it feels more like, oh, wow. I didn't even know this was needed, but it obviously is a beautiful thing. It's a good thing. I can feel it inside me. I can feel it around me and the people in the expressions, in the vibe.
[00:40:23] Yeah. I'm just, this is exciting stuff. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:42:02] Yeah.
[00:44:12] Yeah. For no other reason other than to just do it and be in that space. There's no kind of, yeah, there's no agenda there. Mm.
[00:44:36] Yeah,
[00:44:49] I've got this question arising and it's around this, this bridge, the bridge between the worlds of the stepping into that space from, or after being so used to, or conditioned, or just swimming in the other, in the other kind of space. And, um, almost like how, how to build that bridge or the process that you've made may have discovered, or I'd probably still discovering around that.
[00:45:17] I've noticed there's this just kind of watching a few videos online. There seems to be. A vulnerability that is welcomed and, um, uh, safety that is kind of, um, that has created a feeling of safety. But the getting to that point is an interesting thing for me, just, let's just, just curious around that and this idea of just little things I've noticed, like, uh, repeating back what you've heard in, in, in the way that you've understood it.
[00:45:50] And, um, um, I've even noticed in some of my interactions, you know, I'll, I'll go to give advice to someone, and this is something that came up a little while ago, and I just really noticed it as a, as a thing to flag and then realizing that that's probably not the best movie in that moment. And the best move would be to almost like, just sit in the space and hold the space and allow, allow that ex co exploration to take place rather than like.
[00:46:17] Um, giving an answer as to something or, or taking some kind of a position. Um, so these are some little elements I've noticed, but are there any others to kind of, um, to make that bridge or do you have anything to share about, about anything in that, in that area?
[00:46:46] Yeah. Yeah.
[00:50:38] This
[00:50:48] yeah. This the sense of attunement when you mentioned that, I just felt like almost like an explosion in my heart. I feel like in the past, when I've been off with the attunement, there's almost like a sadness that's washed over me almost like this. It's like a jerk back in the other direction. Like. Yeah, that wasn't, that that didn't feel, um, like it resonated with what was going on and I'm conscious of time here.
[00:51:22] And I just wanted to say how much time you did have, um, before we kind of, if we went any deeper with this inquiry, but I was,
[00:51:37] I was just, yeah. Wondering about this attunement and about this process of fine tuning it, and I'm sure, like you said, there's a lot of complexity that comes into every unique moment and it's really situational, but there's also, I'm sure a sense of, I dunno, like, is, is there one way, does that just naturally unfold as, as experience grows or is there a way to, uh, are there some little things that you've noticed on your journey?
[00:52:07] That have helped you achieve soon. Are there, are there moments that you might want to share about that process or what you've experienced? Maybe a story comes to the mind? I don't know.
[00:52:42] Oh, that's exciting. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:52:50] Yeah.
[00:57:11] Yeah.
[00:58:36] It's nice feeling into being.
[00:59:02] Um,
[00:59:15] um, and opening to that, I was just going to say that probably be able to open into a deeper understanding of themselves that way, once they feel seen, they can open into this, this space where there's a lot more possibility. Um,
[00:59:35] yeah.
[00:59:48] Yeah.
[01:00:09] Yeah,
[01:00:15] yeah, yeah. It's something that comes to mind around. This is just the moment. This is the memory that came up. I remember being just traveling with my ex partner and at one point I noticed something interesting happening we're at a table with a bunch of other travelers, and I noticed myself being called.
[01:00:34] Board, I guess, by the conversation or, or almost catching myself feeling like I knew what was coming next and I knew all about their lives and you know, the truth was I didn't, but I noticed her and the way she was almost like leaning in deeper into this sense of interest into their own peculiarities and their own uniqueness.
[01:00:59] And I just couldn't, I couldn't figure out how she was doing it. I was like, I don't feel like being in these spaces. I almost feel uncomfortable in them because it's not invigorating or different enough or exciting or anything. It's just like, I've heard this story over and over again, but for you it's like something brand new.
[01:01:18] I'm like, like how does that even happen? And, yeah, I was just, I remember having this, this come up actually for myself. It's interesting. You share that.
[01:01:35] I don't think she shared it specifically. I think it was just like an innate interest of hers. And now thinking about it, it's something that, yeah, I didn't know. It might've just been, I don't really, I'm not really sure where that came from. And I noticed just since that point, I think, I think what you mentioned earlier around this idea of caring for the other person brings about this sense of interest.
[01:02:00] Almost like not, not needing to be entertained for my own benefit or pleasure, but almost being inquisitive because I know that it would be good for the other person. And then that then the interest comes. Maybe there's something that they say that peaks my interest or whatever, but I'm not trying to get the interest.
[01:02:20] I'm just trying to be there for them. I think that's where the difference has been from then. So it does come back to yeah. Yeah.
[01:04:10] Yeah, we can go a lot deeper with this, but I'm still conscious of time. How are we looking? Talk to me?
[01:04:22] Oh, that's amazing. Yeah. When you're saying that I'm, I'm just, I'm just kind of opening since we're in this space together, I'm opening into this or trying to open into this sense of vulnerability myself and probably sharing more than I normally would, which it makes a good thing. But I get this feeling of when, even when you said that this feeling of like, it's a strange feeling that I feel washes over me when some kind of a praise happens.
[01:04:49] If that makes sense, like you just mentioned, there's a sense of attunement there. And I think it's, it seems easy to recognize when the tournament's not there, because like I said, it's a jerking motion and it's like, Um, I can know. I notice the response in the other person and it's like, oh, well that wasn't, that wasn't nice.
[01:05:08] Or that this, this felt a bit, um, unnatural would be a good way to put it, not really in the moment. Um, and then when you mentioned this kind of a tournament that I, that I did kind of display, I, I just felt the sense of, I know, like, it's, it's a weird thing to hear a kind of appraise about yourself. Cause it's a weird thing to go into this sense of yes, I'm so in tuned and I kind of want to stay away from that area.
[01:05:36] Cause it's like feeding, you know, feeding something that I don't think is a healthy thing to feed, but then going deep into the other side of like, um, you know, oh, that's not beating yourself down in some ways. Isn't right. Either. So it's, it's, it's a tricky thing I think to stay in the middle while receiving.
[01:06:53] Yeah, that feels right. But at the same time, I feel like there was a sense in that moment, if I'm reflecting back of almost like, almost like I've had enough of feeling this way, it's like a, it's like a wall that I hit of like, okay, well this is happening quite often. This isn't the first time this has happened.
[01:07:15] And there's, there's that, that spark that's created between her and the other people. That is a beautiful thing. It's a nice thing. It feels. And it's not there when I'm sitting here and the alternative is to break away and run away from it. And that didn't feel right. So it was just kind of like the inquisitive part arose on its own.
[01:07:36] If that makes sense.
[01:07:50] Or there was a pattern before that have happened. It had happened before a few times. Like it, it wasn't the first time that had happened.
[01:08:04] Well, again, I think it was something to do with this, this, there was an attraction to the excitement of a new experience of some sort that didn't happen when I thought I could figure out what the other way the other person was going. Or if there was a common conversation that I'd heard many times amongst travelers, when you.
[01:08:25] The standard kind of conversations that maybe aren't so present, and maybe they're just kind of going through the motions in a sense. Yeah. There's, there's that dynamic, but there was also, yeah, this feeling of just wanting to be more interested, I guess, sorry, wanting maybe even, maybe even wanting to be different from what really was as well.
[01:08:50] I don't know. Um,
[01:09:05] um,
[01:11:12] So wait, where do you go with that? When, when that's happening in your sessions, for example, and you can feel that, that sense of that taking place, do you allow, do you step in and have you had anything I'm sure that's come up for you.
[01:17:27] Hmm.
[01:18:30] The same sippy, a risk in both directions, though, not just on yourself. And this idea of softness comes up the way in which you share it is, seems to be quite significant.
[01:19:38] What's the, this association look like.
[01:20:01] Hmm.
[01:20:11] And sorry, the last one I interrupted during the middle of that, the last one was. The way in which we're speaking about with this attunement is that.
[01:21:52] Yeah, I kind of thinking of, I always think of it as like, kind of coming to dance and when the music's on and not moving into that flow of that. The music will end sooner or later, and the opportunity will be over. So it's like, do you move in or not? And yeah, moving in is like a thing letting go moving in and seeing how it, seeing how it unfolds, you know, seeing how moving into that fear, what develops from that, because there's, there's a risk, but, um, equal opposite side of that, there's a potential for the deepest sense of beauty as well to emerge.
[01:22:32] Hmm.
[01:22:40] Um,
[01:23:30] Yeah. So it's like dropping that bomb of realness. Just sharing what you feel, I guess. Yeah. I just guess the only thing that comes up is not wanting to hurt the other person's feelings and doing that delicately and we've skill. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah,
[01:26:08] Um,
[01:26:20] You were open to sharing a bit more about how people can get in touch with your work and if they want to deepen their understanding of circling, or are you doing, you mentioned the thing with recently and the, the reenactment of this platonic process. Is there anything else that you want to kind of bring our attention to?
[01:26:39] And I'd be curious to know as well as listen as I'm sure.
[01:29:02] Why do you, what are your access points to high to get? Cause everything I've found is like in a different language and just some rough subtitles view. Is he written some interesting books or any, anything in that area?
[01:29:30] Yeah.
[01:29:46] Yep.
[01:29:55] Nice. Well, thank you so much. Yeah, this is it's been good. Yeah. I can imagine just, just picturing your life and all these different interactions and relationships that come about through what you do. It's such, such a beautiful thing, and it's been beautiful to, you know, share this space and time with one another.
[01:30:17] Thank you so much for tuning into this episode with guy. If you want more information on his work, head over to the website today, dream.com and there'll be notes in the show notes section. There'll also be a link in the description where you can get in touch with guidance. So more of his work and get it into circling a little bit deeper if you found it interesting, uh, as always thank you so much for being a part of this journey.
[01:30:44] And if you want to deepen that journey, head over to, uh, the supportPage@patrion.com forward slash today, dreamer, where in exchange for your support of the show, I'll be providing special perks and benefits for my most loyal listeners, um, until next time be well. And there's plenty of great conversations that I've had recently that I'm going to be releasing in the coming weeks.
[01:31:09] So please stay tuned for those they're coming out weekly. And, uh, let's yeah, let's really take what we're learning from these conversations and spread them out woods through the way that we live our lives in the meantime be well, and I don't know what else to say. Yeah.